Some of my writing

So, sometimes when I'm alone and having a bad day or, going through a rough time I write. I'm not very good at it but, I want to post it and share it with you all anyway. Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think. It's called:

"The Darkness Consumes You" 

The dark consumes you....your very being, your very soul. No longer does the light of reason, the light of compassion shine in you. What is to become of you? Only you know, only you can decide. We are all afraid of the dark inside ourselves.

We cannot fully see our future.  We are only given small pieces of it. Here and there a little and we give no thought to those things. We are faced with many different situations…some we were expecting and some, we were not. And what we do in those situations, how we react and how we ultimately handle those situations, will decide the kind of person we are, they will shape us, and define us. We have many influences that will also decide who we are and who we are to become. Family, friends, books, movies, music, all these things are just some of the many things that we deal with each and every day.

But what do you do, when; you think you can see a situation in your future coming? Do you decide then and there to act? Not knowing the consequences your actions could have now and then later? We all have a choice. And we all have a light and dark side to us. We are given the choice between the two. Do we choose to do that what is right and have the light shine through us or, do we decide to let the dark inside fully consume us? Not giving thought to what we will say and do. Letting go of our conscious and becoming completely numb to the point that there is no reason, no sense of what is good and what is wrong.

Each and every day is a battle, a struggle with our inner selves. With the monster that sleeps in our heart, dormant inside. Just waiting for some secret silent alarm to trigger it off, to wake it and release it. We fight to keep that monster asleep and if it is already awake, we fight to keep it caged inside us where it belongs. For the consequences of letting such a monster free, could have disastrous results.   For many years now, I have been fighting a very powerful, controlling and evil monster inside me. He is winning every battle thus far. I have no excuse, no reason for him to win yet, despite my best efforts; he is succeeding and is leaving me with an empty feeling inside.

He is not merciful, he is not pleasant. And he truly takes me over sometimes. Although I try my best to fight for freedom and to come back and let those around me know that it really is me….I am left many times to watch him tear the ones I love down, to say mean and hurtful things to them. To make them feel like garbage, to feel like they can’t help me…he is a binding force that will not let me go. I hate him for ever being born inside me. Why was I not strong enough at the start to bury the seed so far in that it was not able to take root inside my heart and start growing? Why did I let him feed off of my fears, my weaknesses, why could I not see him sooner and stop him?

I’d give this all away just to have somewhere to go to. An escape from who I am, what I am and escape this dark side inside me. I have no one to blame but myself. I was given this test and, I am failing. I thought I was strong but, I was sorely mistaken.

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!! It's hard to believe that another year has come and gone so quickly!! Another part of the great book in my life has been written. Another part full of memories and experiences both good and bad. It almost seems too fast....How I wish I could go back and change some things but, its time to move on. And I welcome this new year, the year of 2012 with open arms and a willing mind and heart. I am excited and nervous for this year.

How will this year be? No one can say for sure. There's so much waiting in store. It is up to us to make this year what we want it to be. To pursue the most inner desires and dreams of our hearts. To stretch ourselves, to make new goals, polish up on old ones and to take a moment to reflect on events and things last year that changed us. Made us a better person, a little wiser, a little more humble. To take what we learned from last year and make this year even better than the last. 

As I have taken a moment to reflect back on last year, I am truly grateful for all the many blessings I received. There are so many that I can't begin to name them all. But, to mention just a select few:

1. My Heavenly Father and Savior. I can't even begin to describe my love, appreciation, gratitude and thanks to both of them. I'm not sure where to even start. So much can be said to them and about them. They have carried me through EVERYTHING. They have walked with me in my darkest times and my lowest times. They have given my strength, peace and comfort when no one else could. These past 2 years have been especially hard and they were always right there with me. I could always feel their presence and their love. 

2. My loving family. They have stuck by me through thick and thin. They have supported me in everything that I've done...Good decisions and bad. They've given me their love and have shown me that they really care about me. I couldn't have made it this far in my life without them, I'm sure there are times when they wanted to grab me, shake me and say "what are you doing?!? Are you stupid?!?" But, instead, they showed me through their examples the error of my ways and helped me to get back on track and become a better person and to become the person they know I am. To help me achieve my goals and my dreams. I couldn't have asked for a better family and I love them dearly.

3. My Beautiful Fiance, Brittany. I am so grateful that I found her. She is my best friend. My nurse, my therapist, my partner, my chef, my organizer, my comforter, my support, my snuggle buddy, my equal. She is all those things and so much more! I love her with all my heart and soul and couldn't ask for a better lover and partner. The journey we have made thus far, finding each other and discovering the love we have had for each other all this time has been quite an interesting experience but, I wouldn't trade it for anything! I can't wait for her to be my wife and to start a new journey with her! Thank you for making this year a good one Brittany! :) I love you!

I'm not certain what this year will bring but, this much I am certain of, if I have My Heavenly Father, my family, my wife-to-be and all my friends by my side....I will be able to conquer this year and take it head one with full confidence knowing that no matter what happens, I'll be okay. 2012 this is what I have to say to you "Come what may, and love it!" bring it on!!