Some of my writing

So, sometimes when I'm alone and having a bad day or, going through a rough time I write. I'm not very good at it but, I want to post it and share it with you all anyway. Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think. It's called:

"The Darkness Consumes You" 

The dark consumes you....your very being, your very soul. No longer does the light of reason, the light of compassion shine in you. What is to become of you? Only you know, only you can decide. We are all afraid of the dark inside ourselves.

We cannot fully see our future.  We are only given small pieces of it. Here and there a little and we give no thought to those things. We are faced with many different situations…some we were expecting and some, we were not. And what we do in those situations, how we react and how we ultimately handle those situations, will decide the kind of person we are, they will shape us, and define us. We have many influences that will also decide who we are and who we are to become. Family, friends, books, movies, music, all these things are just some of the many things that we deal with each and every day.

But what do you do, when; you think you can see a situation in your future coming? Do you decide then and there to act? Not knowing the consequences your actions could have now and then later? We all have a choice. And we all have a light and dark side to us. We are given the choice between the two. Do we choose to do that what is right and have the light shine through us or, do we decide to let the dark inside fully consume us? Not giving thought to what we will say and do. Letting go of our conscious and becoming completely numb to the point that there is no reason, no sense of what is good and what is wrong.

Each and every day is a battle, a struggle with our inner selves. With the monster that sleeps in our heart, dormant inside. Just waiting for some secret silent alarm to trigger it off, to wake it and release it. We fight to keep that monster asleep and if it is already awake, we fight to keep it caged inside us where it belongs. For the consequences of letting such a monster free, could have disastrous results.   For many years now, I have been fighting a very powerful, controlling and evil monster inside me. He is winning every battle thus far. I have no excuse, no reason for him to win yet, despite my best efforts; he is succeeding and is leaving me with an empty feeling inside.

He is not merciful, he is not pleasant. And he truly takes me over sometimes. Although I try my best to fight for freedom and to come back and let those around me know that it really is me….I am left many times to watch him tear the ones I love down, to say mean and hurtful things to them. To make them feel like garbage, to feel like they can’t help me…he is a binding force that will not let me go. I hate him for ever being born inside me. Why was I not strong enough at the start to bury the seed so far in that it was not able to take root inside my heart and start growing? Why did I let him feed off of my fears, my weaknesses, why could I not see him sooner and stop him?

I’d give this all away just to have somewhere to go to. An escape from who I am, what I am and escape this dark side inside me. I have no one to blame but myself. I was given this test and, I am failing. I thought I was strong but, I was sorely mistaken.